Thursday, September 1, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
My list thus far in no particular order:
1) Gooey Louie Buttercake-all of them
2) The Elegant Farmer apple pie in a brown bag- straight from Wisconsin
3) Krispy Kreme- glazed and Bostom Creme
4)Oreo Klondike Sandwich
5)Cheesecake Factory chocolate tuxedo cream cheesecake
6)Deep Fried Pickles-Tylers
7)Whole Foods Harvest Berry Pie
8) The Pit- Sangria, banana bread pudding, honey infused cornbread
9)Mellow Mushroom garlic glazed pretzels
10)An entire pizza from CPK
11)Jeni's salty caramel ice cream
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
So you are doing pretty well at the regional competition now that you got some swag and your spandexed out junk mesmerized the judge and got you through the thrusters. Congrats. You are now ready for the Home Depot Center Level!!!!! Or are you?
You must either save your game now to continue to L.A. or return back to a different regional to gain further cash for your world domination.
I decided to go back and dominate all the regionals and load up on special powers for the games. Ain't no tellin what can come out of Dave Castro's hair, I mean hopper box! Better cover your ass with maxed out special powers or extremely tight lululemon I always say. Insert Motley Crue Girls, girls, girls here.
I suggest doing the Asia and Latin America regionals first since all you have to do is complete a wod Rx to qualify, there is no competition at all...I mean that. You could be like two Jazzy wheelchairs deep in your own handicappedness and still come in first. Complete all regionals and you'll be prime for the games, lose one though and you'll be forced to start the regionals over like AJ Moore on Groundhog Day. You are still my hero...Ludus bro.
Now comes the fun part, the Crossfit Games!!! Muhaaa aa aahhh!!! Once you save the game, you'll be treated to a cut scene of Greg Glassman flying down to the center of the stadium in a Blackhawk helicopter and performing an exact rendition of Rhythm Nation. If you weren't expecting that then you don't know Crossfit.
At this point, the games begin and you will have to perform 12 Wods over the course of 3 days or in gamer time, 8 hours straight. You'll have to execute precise bathroom breaks and keep a stockpile of Paleokrunch/kits nearby followed by coconut water to make it through the end. Any non-paleo items like Totinos Pizza Rolls, Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, or Code Red (essential gaming food) will cost you performance on your end. Do you want that? Huh? That guilt? That guilt of stuffing your face with that masterful work of lab engineered sustenance? I didn't think so.......nom nom nom nom, gulp gulp gulp. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Burrrrrrrrrrrp. Go Whole9!
As you complete each WOD it is the utmost importance to continually use your cash at Whole Foods to maintain your overall strength and endurance as well as perform special moves when the wod calls for it. If you run out of cash at any point in the games and can no longer support Whole Foods then by the end you will literally turn into a paleo eating zombie. You then get torn to pieces by fellow crossfitters and used as equipment for future wods. They don't call them slam balls for nothing. Insert grotesque visual here.
If you make it to the end and win then you start the game over and begin training for next year. So real it hurts.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Use your cash to go to whole foods-which increases your strength and endurance
So back to the game. You are earning good cold hard cash and gaining all sorts of awesome upgrades. Sooner or later you will get challeneged by Firebreather boxes. Now these can be either by men or women. If your character is a woman and you beat a dude, he immediately bursts into flames and is forced to undergo a rapid sex change operation in order to come back and compete.
If you are a dude and you think that you will lose to a girl then you must immediately fork over all of your remaining cash to the judge so he can AJ Moore her ass and give her continuous no reps. This will destroy your cash flow for the time being, but will prevent you from utter humiliation and starting the game over.
As you progres the local competitions will give you free samples of Progenex and paleo-kits, but these don't help out too much. At the regional competitons you will earn free gear. If your character is a girl then this can consist of see through bras and booty shorts. If your character is a dude then it's most likely small tank tops and only extra-small SKINS. Wearing these revealing articles of clothing will cause confusion within the judges and most likely they will have to look away from your range of motion. These moments you must use to cheat reps or shorten the range of motion to save energy.
Part 2 Coming Soon!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I wrote the above just before leaving for regionals. I was going to post it, but thought that I would try to revisit the blog after the dust and carnage had settled. Plus I had to make sure we didn't totally bomb and thus I would have to alter the above statement.
To say that I am incredibly excited to return to the crossfit games is an understatement. I might be putting too much emphasis on it, but I feel that going to the games has been one of the greatest moments of my life. To have another opportunity to do that, well thats just some thick luscious gravy. You know what I'm talking about Paula Dean!
Last year, just before leaving the games in L.A. to return home, Christmas, Brandon, Jason, and myself talked about coming back and making it to the last day of competition. We said it with a little more confidence than bullshit trust me, and that wasnt the Harry Buffalo talking. We knew we had it in us.
If you all didn't know about last year, we got cut the first day and were forced to party like rock stars for the rest of our time there. It was hard, let me tell you. Bittersweet really. I mean, we flew all the way out and didn't perform as well as we wanted, but the consolation was to get wasted, eat fish tacos, and watch other people destroy their bodies. Anyway, That was and still is our goal. Not to party like rock stars, but make it to the last day sober and awesome.
This year we fought tooth and nail for the LAST spot to the games. RAW training and Reston pretty much had 1 and 2 on lockdown, so 3rd was up for grabs. Every team we competed against fought just as hard and gave it everything they had. PR's were made and blood was shed. It was like Die Hard meets Terminator meets Gladiator meets Rambo. I'm convinced that no one half asses a competition wod. Everyone brings it, just like in the movie.
I know people are on the fence about Reebok and Crossfit, but my $0.02 says its good. Crossfit Raleigh would have been just as happy making it to the games if it were 4 years ago and we were headed to the ranch with no Reebok gear at all. We qualified for ourselves, teammates and community. We didn't do it for free gear, sports contracts, or endorsements. But if Progenex is listening, I could rock some more stuff if you know what I mean. The fact that we made it and got fitted for Reebok gear was icing on the cake. It didn't make the cake, but it sure as hell made it taste better. I remember a guy I knew back in college who ran track and was sponsored by Nike, he got tons of free gear and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Never would I have thought that one day I would be getting the same treatment. Who knows where things will go, but Reebok makes a good start.To the anti-reebok crossfitters: No one is telling you to go out and buy Reebok in order to do Crossfit. In fact, you will continue to wod in boardshorts, chucks, and boners. Thats cool. But if Reebok wants to support out sport, I say that is awesome because it's alot better than FILA, FuBu, K-swiss, or L.A. Gear.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Lately, the NSF has been under fire for funding some pretty jacked up research. The most widely publicized has been the half mill funding for studying the effects of shrimp on treadmills. Now at first this seems straight up stupid and downright retarded but there is some method to the madness as I will get to.
First, as a fellow scientist I'll say that the congress thinks they know about science, but they really don't know jack shit. In fact, we ALL don't know jack shit. If we did, then we wouldn't have to do REEEESEARCH. You form a hypothesis, you test it, you get some result. Boom goes the dynamite.
Sometimes the answers are so obviously in front of our faces and sometimes it's buried in placenta elbow deep.
Second, here is a link from a Nature article published back before your parents were crappin themselves in diapers illustrating the scientific discoveries by accident. By accident you say? Why, dear sir, you must be joking? http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v151/n3825/abs/151215a0.html
(click on the download pdf to get the whole thing)
This is THE biggest reason to fund science no matter how crazy or stupid it sounds. The fact that curious minds are looking to find answers inherently should be supported. It may not be exactly what they were looking for but it could provide some answers to another question.
Truth is some people don't give a rats ass about science or understanding stuff, and thats ok. We won't give them money to find answers to life's questions. If they want to just shoot stuff, play with themselves, and criticize others thats cool. They'll just be existing like astronaut poop in space. Who has the right to decide what research is worth pursuing or not? Not congress, but scientists, like those at the NSF.
Lately, if you do work in science then you know that funding is tighter than fort knox. There are tons of worth while cancer projects that don;t get funded for whatever reason. Bottom line is that money is hard to come by, they are not just handing that shit out.
Sometimes, research doesn't answer something right away, like "my project will cure cancer," but it will lead to something which will lead to something else, which may cure cancer.
The shrimp on a treadmill represents an idea. Although it may be totally stupid, it may just hold an answer that could lead to something more amazing. The thing is I don't know if it will or won't and neither do you. Not every answer to curing disease is a miracle plant in the middle of the congo. Sometimes that shit is right in front of our faces and it's the basic things you need to focus on. For those who don't know alot about science, some of the greatest discoveries in cancer research in the past decades has come from yeast, zebrafish, frogs, and mice.
So before you hop on the "thats the most retarded research I have ever heard," just know that you don't know everything. If it's the money, think about this: The Hadron Collider, which may or may not provide useful information about the universe, cost $9 billion dollars.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
As far as what area 51 is now, well, thats a different story all together.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sounds simple enough but it's not. You walk around with some headphones and now you have become that guy/girl. The anti-social person who thinks they are the shizz even though you are just trying to get into the zone. If you bring your own tunes, be prepared to crush all. It's the only way that you'll maintain any status in the gym that doesn't make you look like a douche. Also, be prepared to have your headphone cords get in your way every time you move. To practice at home simply take down your blinds, place them around your body and try to do anything at all.
Option2-Turn up the volume
You anticipate that playing inside is in fact the dark lord's concerto number 5, also known as the Rent Soundtrack. Stay in your car.
Begin playing your power song(s) at max volume.
Perform seat reclines tabata and pullups through the sunroof. If you don't have a sunroof work on your grip by doing and undoing the parking break repeatedly. Stay in the car until you see a countdown on the clock. After which you will sprint out of the car and immediately start. You'll be so fired up that not even Kim Kardashians new hit single can keep you down.
In it's most simple terms. The faster you go, the quicker it's over with.
I'm Bane. Plain and simple. Whenever I need to dig deep and I need that mental boost, Bane is who I become.
People use different mechanisms to help them through physical/mental challenges. Whatever you use, well, you use something. If you are reading this than most likely you are not a person who gives up easy. It's fitting for me to picture myself as Bane in the gym because lets face it, the dude is juiced out of his mind. He crushed Batman and he has one sole purpose, to be strong as hell. More importantly it gives me a visual, a cue to that I can use. There are plenty of times in a workout or lift when your mind starts to wonder down the I can't road and it's hard to get out of it. By the time you think you can move a little faster, that bastard mind of yours comes back and crowbars your kneecaps. Motivational speakers and elite athletes will say, "just repeat that you can do it, to yourself over and over." This may work for some but I'll tell you, when I get to the wall, I'm not saying positive stuff to myself. It's just not me. I'm a visual person and you maybe too. So, for that very reason I become Bane. No different than Beyonce is Sasha Fierce, for all you single ladies. I stick to that image and I try and change my mind to think that if I was Bane, I would be crushing it right now like I did Batman. I get that fury in my eyes and the venom starts pumping through my veins. I just grab and go. Pain is Perception. Other visual cues that work could be Seal Team 6, Thor, Sonya Blade, Condoleezza Rice...etc. If you got one, share it.