Thursday, September 1, 2011

Since I've been gone....

I have eventually found out that it ain't easy to keep up with a blog. You think, "I don't need to write this shit, everyone knows what I'm doing." Then I decided screw it, I'll blog anyway, although I'm pretty sure my fan base of 1 hasn't grown.
Sooooooo, since my last post a lot has happened.
First I got to say that I'm very proud of our team's finish at the 2011 Reebok Crossfit Games. The experience was phenomenal and I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world. Everyone put forth 100% effort and it was awesome to be rewarded for that with a 16th place finish. I'm hoping to continue to train hard and make it back with the team next year. I love the team competition. Even if I was good enough to go as an individual, I'd still do the team. For me the individual stuff is too much pressure, but thats just me. If I screw up someone on the team can step up or if they screw up I can step up. If we both screw up then...its still fun.
Second, Graduate school has made it more difficult to train when I want to, but I think I'm finding a balance which has been great. The added rest has been extremely noticeable on my strength numbers which to me now, seem ridiculous. I don't think I would have thought I would be putting up the numbers I am now, a year ago. I probably would have told you thats impossible. So if you are reading this and you haven't been progressing the way you want and have been Rich Froning your wods, then you may want to back off a little and see what happens. Frankly, I don't know how some of the superstars of Crossfit balance law school, med school, or whatever with high volume training. I just don't have time for shit anymore and have to choose activities carefully. If you are one of those people who hits the gym 10x a day and has a professional career not athletic related, I despise you.
The most important component to my training though is that I have been pushing it for myself, not anyone else. I don't need to prove my strength/crossfit worth by comparing this and that with other people. You need to be thankful for what you have, what you are given to improve, and how you use that improvement. If you only care about beating someone else then you will never be the best that you can be.....G.I. Joe or something.
Aside from training, school has been a welcomed gift. I've been wanting to go back to school for a while and I think I have applied to more programs than anyone I can think of so getting in was like winning the lottery. Now that I'm doing well in the program I can continue to focus on what I need to do to get a good project and less on trying to prove to myself that I belong in the there.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Off to see the wizard!

This is gonna be my last post before the games because I don't want this blog to suck any drop of work capacity that I have left in my body, and staying current with it during this time is about as easy as isolating the Higgs particle with a paper clip, snorkel, and slice of swiss cheese. Just to make it clear I'm saving my body for two things: 1)Destroying the 2011 Reebok Crossfit Games with my Bros and Bras, and 2)Slaying the glutonious orgy of food and non exercise that will ensue afterwards. I've already made a list of food and other stuff that I plan on annhialating so I assure you that I have thought this out thoroughly and calculated it with extreme precision, Crossfit New England eat your heart out. I'm not entirely sure who is all out there, but I'm open to suggestions. I don't even care if you are in a different city, state, country, whatever. If you know of some must have food, post that shit to comments and I will put it on my list. Now, I also understand that as individual human beings, some of us like caramelized sheeps testicles or some scary shit like that....thats not me. If it sounds slightly weird, I'll consider it. If it sounds like you ate that shit to survive just so a lost villager could maybe get you help...I'll pass. This will be both desserts and regular eats (nonpaleo/non zone only)So hit me up.

My list thus far in no particular order:
1) Gooey Louie Buttercake-all of them
2) The Elegant Farmer apple pie in a brown bag- straight from Wisconsin
3) Krispy Kreme- glazed and Bostom Creme
4)Oreo Klondike Sandwich
5)Cheesecake Factory chocolate tuxedo cream cheesecake
6)Deep Fried Pickles-Tylers
7)Whole Foods Harvest Berry Pie
8) The Pit- Sangria, banana bread pudding, honey infused cornbread
9)Mellow Mushroom garlic glazed pretzels
10)An entire pizza from CPK
11)Jeni's salty caramel ice cream
12)Goodberry's Sandstorm

Monday, July 11, 2011


When I think of the S.W.A.T. team I think of some serious shit going down. Guns blazin, Seagal kickin, Kano rip your heart out shitstorm with a fu manchu. Now, I'm not one that does illegal activities, unless you can catch me ridin dirty...but seriously being around a S.W.A.T. training facility made me a little nervous. Not sure why, cause it's not like they were gonna break me down for going a little overboard on the tiramasu samples at whole foods last week (get some foos). Anyway, I took one look at the course they had set up for us and I was all smiles. You see, I always wanted to be a navy seal, but never made the commitment. I was always intrigued by the log PT and mini tests they put you through during the de-selection process. Since I never went through BUDS, this was my time to shine.

The first workout we did was a team log carry and tire spin?. 3 of us carried the log, and 2 spun a huge ass tire for a good amount of distance, maybe a mile and a half. I spent most of my time carrying the log, which I really didn't mind at all. Frankly, I thought it was easier. We followed a park trail and were passed by yoggers who proceeded to look at us like we left our minds to bake in our cars. I took a break from the log to roll the tire with Christmas which turned out to be friggin hilarious. As soon as placed my hands on the tire and helped guide it along the trail we hit the top of a hill. I decided, wtf, let's just allow this here tire to navigate itself down the hill, that'll be easier on us........I watched in shear horror as it rolled out of control directly to my unsuspecting teammates. The human bowling game had now commenced. I ran as fast as I could to re-direct the tire, which worked with minimal success. The tire slammed into a close tree and toppled over. I was laughing my ass off in my head. I don't know why it was so funny...wait yeah I do. I quickly switched out onto the log as to not continue my path of destruction. When we finished the workout my shoulders were bruised to shit, but I felt awesome.

The second workout was a hodgepodge of kickass stuff. The S.W.A.T. instructors made it more interesting by creating a story that coincided with what we were physically doing. I don't remember the story verbatim but, my version is just as accurate. So it starts off as such:

There's a serial killer on the loose. This guy is sick, and I mean fucking disgusting. He's known to murder crossfitters left and right and he's got a taste for LuLu's lemons. His victim's bodies are scattered all over the backyard, but they are still alive (6 heavy ass tires). Your job is to stack the bodies one on top of another so the extraction team can pull em out. (This duty was pretty funny because the last tire had to be launched off your body onto the top. I basically still have tire tread imprinted on my thighs from throwing it up there.) Once the bodies are stacked you have to bring the rocket launchers, AK's, C4, and other gear weighing 70# over a 6ft. wall. Throw the gear over the wall, jump over, and continue. Once over the walls you will find a log. Flip that shit. (Not sure where this fit into the story). Next is a disabled cop car. Your job is to push the car to a safe location and bring gasoline jugs over to the cop car and fill it up. The getaway vehicle is now ready to go. Next scale the wall of the compound and setup a sniper post on the roof. When you see the scumbag blow his brains out. The End.

Anyway you get the idea. Probably not the same exact story the S.W.A.T. officer told, but close. It was alot more exciting than most workout stuff I do on a regular basis and so I was pretty thankful to get the opportunity to do that. Which I guess brings up my main point.

I wouldnt have been able to do any of this had it not been for Crossfit. I don't have sponsors or endorsement deals, but the opportunities like the S.W.A.T. team training make life rich. It's experiences on a smaller scale that sometimes mean the most. We all talk about functional fitness but how many of us get broken down in the gym and look like handicap assholes in real life? Get out of the gym and do something different!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Haters need hatin!

One of the highlights of my day is simply checking out all the hatin on Crossfit and Crossfitters. Its really funny shit if you haven't read it. Most of it is clever, but some of it is like Kathy Griffin's plastic surgery, it just doesn't make sense, but is filled with plenty of sarcasm. There's videos, blogs, forums, and even entire websites dedicated to hatin on Crossfit. It's getting more popular and growing faster than your upside down tomato garden. Just google "hate crossfit" and you'll pretty much get most of it. I'm seeing a trend so I anticipate more and more haters to come.

I've found of few of these groups, for instance:

Crossfit Haters group 1 are simply the ex-crossfitters turned lifters. The story starts off similar among this group. They were people who used to be fat or out of shape and by shear chance they found crossfit and got shredded. Sooner or later the testosterone button was getting pushed a little too frequently and finally they decided that met-cons are for weak ass bitches. Their only desire is to be as big, and strong, and scary as possible. They yearn to hit that high-school reunion and Hulk Smash everyone into oblivion. They enjoy only non-paleo 70s BIG meals, hard liquor, porn, non-WADA approved supplements, and yelling. They will continuously knock crossfitters as idiots in the strength department and propose their method as the one that works. I don't need to remind people that Spencer Hendel backsquats 500#+ and squat cleans 335#....yeh he should probably stop being so weak and just focus on strength.

Crossfit Haters group 2 are basically the globo fooz. Back and bi's, chest and tri's etc. You can spot em out from their torn up shirts from football glory days and they periodically will check out their nipples in the mirrors just to make sure they are hard. They don't like crossfit because it's messing with their swagger. Gym, Tan, non-laundry....cuz my smell is musky.

Crossfit Haters group 3 are simply the roided out lifters. They want to rape and pillage, pillage and rape. They wish nothing more than the end of Crossfit, and their sport of....being huge? to come to fruition. They charge ~$150-250 for a phone consult and much more if you decide to take their advice for training/nutrition. They also make fun of crossfitters paying 1k for a cert., but at the same time charge more than Bono for their time.

Crossfit Haters group 4 are actual crossfitters who hate other crossfitters.

I'm trying to figure this group out but am having a hard time understanding these people.

If you know any other haters post to comments.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Crossfit Games Videogame Part Deux!

So you are doing pretty well at the regional competition now that you got some swag and your spandexed out junk mesmerized the judge and got you through the thrusters. Congrats. You are now ready for the Home Depot Center Level!!!!! Or are you?

You must either save your game now to continue to L.A. or return back to a different regional to gain further cash for your world domination.

I decided to go back and dominate all the regionals and load up on special powers for the games. Ain't no tellin what can come out of Dave Castro's hair, I mean hopper box! Better cover your ass with maxed out special powers or extremely tight lululemon I always say. Insert Motley Crue Girls, girls, girls here.

I suggest doing the Asia and Latin America regionals first since all you have to do is complete a wod Rx to qualify, there is no competition at all...I mean that. You could be like two Jazzy wheelchairs deep in your own handicappedness and still come in first. Complete all regionals and you'll be prime for the games, lose one though and you'll be forced to start the regionals over like AJ Moore on Groundhog Day. You are still my hero...Ludus bro.

Now comes the fun part, the Crossfit Games!!! Muhaaa aa aahhh!!! Once you save the game, you'll be treated to a cut scene of Greg Glassman flying down to the center of the stadium in a Blackhawk helicopter and performing an exact rendition of Rhythm Nation. If you weren't expecting that then you don't know Crossfit.

At this point, the games begin and you will have to perform 12 Wods over the course of 3 days or in gamer time, 8 hours straight. You'll have to execute precise bathroom breaks and keep a stockpile of Paleokrunch/kits nearby followed by coconut water to make it through the end. Any non-paleo items like Totinos Pizza Rolls, Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, or Code Red (essential gaming food) will cost you performance on your end. Do you want that? Huh? That guilt? That guilt of stuffing your face with that masterful work of lab engineered sustenance? I didn't think so.......nom nom nom nom, gulp gulp gulp. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Burrrrrrrrrrrp. Go Whole9!

As you complete each WOD it is the utmost importance to continually use your cash at Whole Foods to maintain your overall strength and endurance as well as perform special moves when the wod calls for it. If you run out of cash at any point in the games and can no longer support Whole Foods then by the end you will literally turn into a paleo eating zombie. You then get torn to pieces by fellow crossfitters and used as equipment for future wods. They don't call them slam balls for nothing. Insert grotesque visual here.
If you make it to the end and win then you start the game over and begin training for next year. So real it hurts.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Crossfit Video Game by EA Sports!!!!! Part 1!

I'm convinced that EA Sports is in the final development of one of THE greatest sports games in the history of gaming. The Crossfit Games All-Stars! You may be asking yourself, what is this game all about and how do I get my hands on it! Well ask no more. Here is the low-down.

The game begins in a dusty crappy old garage. You can customize your own character or select from past and current games competitors. SPOILER ALERT!!! Remember Oddjob from GoldenEye on the 64?, well Chris Spealer is basically the same thing in this game. Don't tell your friends though, keep the domination on stealth mode. OPT starts off hot, but then craps out, Josh Everett kills all Oly Lifts with the special split move, and Jason Khalipa destroys most stuff except long runs, he actually dies. These are to just name a few options. Wardrobe selections are initally provided by Russell Athletics or Spalding, but once you level up you can buy Life as Rx, 2POOD, Lululemon, or Rogue to name a few. Buying clothing gives you style points and cred, which can influence judging at local and regional competitions, but you will have to weigh spending later between clothing, whole foods, and equipment so don't blow your wod.

You start your journey on foot trying to convince fools, I mean potential clients, of Crossfit's superiority over their Globo routine. Convincing comes in the form of small gym throwdowns. These are easy as pie unless you get challenged with some bench press, which depending on your challenger, you could lose. When you get to the firebreather gyms in later rounds like Valley Crossfit, Front Range, or RAW Training they become increasingly harder. If you lose to a girl you get stripped of all your upgrades and start from the beginning so whatever you do, do not do that! I will come back to this later.

The small gym throwdowns consist of basic benchmarks, Fran, Murph, Helen, etc. Most of your challengers die of lack of oxygen or vomit continuously before you have time to even get warmed up. So savor in the cash you will earn from picking them up. You earn more cash by holding worthless in box seminars from old broken down coaches with PVC pipe and Paleo challenges that everyone cheats on. Yeah!

Once you start getting a couple G's then here is how your money can be used:

Use the cash to buy more equipment for gaining additional clients-which in turn gives you more special powers

Use the cash to buy more clothing/gear-which influences judging and lets you cheat reps at the games(very important)


Use your cash to go to whole foods-which increases your strength and endurance

Now the special moves only come in handy when the wod asks for it, so this is pretty much a lottery. They can range from maniacal muscle-ups to atomic oly lifts. Upgrade wisely. If the wod don't fit, your special move is not legit. This will be covered further in Part 2.

So back to the game. You are earning good cold hard cash and gaining all sorts of awesome upgrades. Sooner or later you will get challeneged by Firebreather boxes. Now these can be either by men or women. If your character is a woman and you beat a dude, he immediately bursts into flames and is forced to undergo a rapid sex change operation in order to come back and compete.

If you are a dude and you think that you will lose to a girl then you must immediately fork over all of your remaining cash to the judge so he can AJ Moore her ass and give her continuous no reps. This will destroy your cash flow for the time being, but will prevent you from utter humiliation and starting the game over.

As you progres the local competitions will give you free samples of Progenex and paleo-kits, but these don't help out too much. At the regional competitons you will earn free gear. If your character is a girl then this can consist of see through bras and booty shorts. If your character is a dude then it's most likely small tank tops and only extra-small SKINS. Wearing these revealing articles of clothing will cause confusion within the judges and most likely they will have to look away from your range of motion. These moments you must use to cheat reps or shorten the range of motion to save energy.

Part 2 Coming Soon!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Tattoo Help!

I got my first tattoo at the age of 17 and everyone thought I was crazy for doing so, not because it was just a tattoo but because it was a half sleeve that I sat 7 hours for. I wouldn't recommend this route to any 17 yr old but hey, teenage anarchy was calling.

This basically highlights the first rule in tattoos: Always get them for yourself and never for anything or anyone else. Just cause it's awesome right now to get a Captain Jack Sparrow portrait across your balls or the green lantern symbol on your eyelids, doesn't mean that it's for you. Never follow trends with tattoos you'll regret that shit in no time.

If you plan to get something that's overused i.e. lotus flower, barbed wire, dolphins flipping into grinders, tribal band, etc. make sure you REALLY HAVE TO HAVE IT. These will cause you more pain than joy and damage your rep as....whatever that may be. If you already have one......may god have mercy on your soul.

If you happen to have a tramp stamp then I would suggest building off of it to something larger. If you have an awesome ass, chances are dudes are gonna look at it anyway so the amazing giraffe that you have there probably isn't gonna blow their socks off. If you don't have an awesome ass then you probably shouldn't draw attention to that area anyway. Probably better to express yourself in a different area on your body.

The best places to look for tattoo's is NOT Miami Ink/New York ink or L.A. Ink but right around the corner. It's not always feasible to get the celebrity artist, especially when they charge $1500 min or $250-300 an hour. You'll have to fly out, stay in a hotel, blah blah...not too cool unless you are already going to be in a specific location during a time they have free, but even then, their style may not jive with yours or what you want. Your killer tribute to Michael Jackson, could end up a backup dancer from Thriller or better yet, a half naked zombie feeding on some dead corpse. Stick to what YOU want and don't always let the Artist run away with your idea.

If you know far enough in advance then maybe you could hit Paul Booth, Clay Decker, or Kat Von D, but these artists are sometimes booked years in advance, believe it or not.

Check out artist's in your area and see what they do. If you like them then talk to em first about what you want. Custom work can run you $100-175 an hour, but then again it's worth it cause no one will have what you have. Unless you put it on the internet and someone copies it. Happens more than you know.

Now I've been going to the same artist all my life. Tony De Rigo at Chronic Tattoo in Elyria, OH. I can't even count how many hours I have sat with Tony under the needle but my guess is it's a couple days worth. He is a total diamond in the ruff. Some of THE BEST tattoo work I have ever seen and he happens to be a really nice guy. Sure he doesn't have his own T.V. show and clothing line, but if he happened to be in a different location like one of those major cities, I guarantee he would. He has a very traditional style but can make anything work. If you happen to be going to OH look him up. You won't regret it.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Crossfit Games and Reebok

Giving the blog a short break from the usual nonsense to let ya'll know that our team Crossfit Raleigh will be competing at the Crossfit Mid Atlantic Regional this weekend. Even though we finished 16th in our region, I feel that our team is really well rounded and will have a good shot at potentially qualifying. Every single one of us has poured alot into our team cup and by now it's overflowing. We all come from different backgrounds and places but we remain committed to each other and the people who helped get us here. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we never achieve our athletic dreams alone. There are communities, friends, family, coaches, servicemembers, etc. who all support and inspire us. We thank you all.

I wrote the above just before leaving for regionals. I was going to post it, but thought that I would try to revisit the blog after the dust and carnage had settled. Plus I had to make sure we didn't totally bomb and thus I would have to alter the above statement.

To say that I am incredibly excited to return to the crossfit games is an understatement. I might be putting too much emphasis on it, but I feel that going to the games has been one of the greatest moments of my life. To have another opportunity to do that, well thats just some thick luscious gravy. You know what I'm talking about Paula Dean!

Last year, just before leaving the games in L.A. to return home, Christmas, Brandon, Jason, and myself talked about coming back and making it to the last day of competition. We said it with a little more confidence than bullshit trust me, and that wasnt the Harry Buffalo talking. We knew we had it in us.

If you all didn't know about last year, we got cut the first day and were forced to party like rock stars for the rest of our time there. It was hard, let me tell you. Bittersweet really. I mean, we flew all the way out and didn't perform as well as we wanted, but the consolation was to get wasted, eat fish tacos, and watch other people destroy their bodies. Anyway, That was and still is our goal. Not to party like rock stars, but make it to the last day sober and awesome.

This year we fought tooth and nail for the LAST spot to the games. RAW training and Reston pretty much had 1 and 2 on lockdown, so 3rd was up for grabs. Every team we competed against fought just as hard and gave it everything they had. PR's were made and blood was shed. It was like Die Hard meets Terminator meets Gladiator meets Rambo. I'm convinced that no one half asses a competition wod. Everyone brings it, just like in the movie.

I know people are on the fence about Reebok and Crossfit, but my $0.02 says its good. Crossfit Raleigh would have been just as happy making it to the games if it were 4 years ago and we were headed to the ranch with no Reebok gear at all. We qualified for ourselves, teammates and community. We didn't do it for free gear, sports contracts, or endorsements. But if Progenex is listening, I could rock some more stuff if you know what I mean. The fact that we made it and got fitted for Reebok gear was icing on the cake. It didn't make the cake, but it sure as hell made it taste better. I remember a guy I knew back in college who ran track and was sponsored by Nike, he got tons of free gear and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Never would I have thought that one day I would be getting the same treatment. Who knows where things will go, but Reebok makes a good start.To the anti-reebok crossfitters: No one is telling you to go out and buy Reebok in order to do Crossfit. In fact, you will continue to wod in boardshorts, chucks, and boners. Thats cool. But if Reebok wants to support out sport, I say that is awesome because it's alot better than FILA, FuBu, K-swiss, or L.A. Gear.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Shrimp on Treadmills!

This is not a book review, although I am sure that the above is nothing more than a masterpiece of literary excellence and required reading for special forces deployments overseas. No this is about shrimp on treadmills. What chew say? Yup, shrimp on treadmills.
Lately, the NSF has been under fire for funding some pretty jacked up research. The most widely publicized has been the half mill funding for studying the effects of shrimp on treadmills. Now at first this seems straight up stupid and downright retarded but there is some method to the madness as I will get to.
First, as a fellow scientist I'll say that the congress thinks they know about science, but they really don't know jack shit. In fact, we ALL don't know jack shit. If we did, then we wouldn't have to do REEEESEARCH. You form a hypothesis, you test it, you get some result. Boom goes the dynamite.
Sometimes the answers are so obviously in front of our faces and sometimes it's buried in placenta elbow deep.
Second, here is a link from a Nature article published back before your parents were crappin themselves in diapers illustrating the scientific discoveries by accident. By accident you say? Why, dear sir, you must be joking?
(click on the download pdf to get the whole thing)
This is THE biggest reason to fund science no matter how crazy or stupid it sounds. The fact that curious minds are looking to find answers inherently should be supported. It may not be exactly what they were looking for but it could provide some answers to another question.
Truth is some people don't give a rats ass about science or understanding stuff, and thats ok. We won't give them money to find answers to life's questions. If they want to just shoot stuff, play with themselves, and criticize others thats cool. They'll just be existing like astronaut poop in space. Who has the right to decide what research is worth pursuing or not? Not congress, but scientists, like those at the NSF.
Lately, if you do work in science then you know that funding is tighter than fort knox. There are tons of worth while cancer projects that don;t get funded for whatever reason. Bottom line is that money is hard to come by, they are not just handing that shit out.
Sometimes, research doesn't answer something right away, like "my project will cure cancer," but it will lead to something which will lead to something else, which may cure cancer.
The shrimp on a treadmill represents an idea. Although it may be totally stupid, it may just hold an answer that could lead to something more amazing. The thing is I don't know if it will or won't and neither do you. Not every answer to curing disease is a miracle plant in the middle of the congo. Sometimes that shit is right in front of our faces and it's the basic things you need to focus on. For those who don't know alot about science, some of the greatest discoveries in cancer research in the past decades has come from yeast, zebrafish, frogs, and mice.
So before you hop on the "thats the most retarded research I have ever heard," just know that you don't know everything. If it's the money, think about this: The Hadron Collider, which may or may not provide useful information about the universe, cost $9 billion dollars.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Area 51 son!

So I watched a documentary last night on Nat Geo about the declassification of shit that went down at Area 51. Got to say that it actually made alot of sense. The sources were extremely credible and the logic fit well with what was happening at the time. Most of what area 51 consisted of, was the development of U2 spy planes, stealth technology, and nuclear testing against the Russians. The cold war was going down and we needed a super secret place to test our stuff. In fact, anytime they transported stuff at area 51 they boxed it in huge metal containers of random sizes to keep the Russians guessing as to what the hell we were up to. There is no wonder people thought flying saucers and alien bodies were being secretly transported. If you saw the pics of this stuff it really looks out of sorts. Now, I'm sure some UFO enthusiasts will argue that aliens for sure landed there and we got spacecraft galore, but it just doesn't add up. Aliens don't travel all this way to crash land and be taken away by some dumbass white guys in lab coats. I'll give them some more cred than that. I'm sure they have technology that makes cold fusion seem like an easy bake oven, and if they wanted to land a ship safely I'm sure they could do it. What the "aliens" really were according to sources from Annie Jacobsen's new Area 51 book were the result of human experiments performed by russians. Sick right? They were supposedly child-sized alien looking people (human beings) flying in a circular type craft that was meant to crash. Why crash on purpose? Well, the russians believed that the UFO craze would cause mass panic and shutdown our air-defense warning system leaving us vulnerable to nuclear attack. Silly Russians, Uncle Sizam laid the smack down! So, in the end, I don't know whats more disturbing, the truth or aliens. As long as the aliens don't probe, I'll stick with them.
As far as what area 51 is now, well, thats a different story all together.

If you got DVR or happen to flip through Nat Geo, check it out.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Movie Review and Get'n Thor'd!

Thor pretty much lived up to the hype that it was a badass movie. Sure he wasn't your favorite Marvel Superhero growing up and if you are a girl you probably never heard of him until now, but in the 21st century, CGI can make any comic book hero look the bomb digz. Now, the 3D isn't necessary, in fact, it was plain annoying. The only legit 3D effect came in the previews for Captain America when he threw his shield towards the screen. Was it worth the extra $3? I'm still debating that, but considering that $3 can get you some Snow Caps I'm leaning towards no. I don't need to tell you the plot, you can find it out on your own, but what I can tell you are a few things that didn't add up for me.

#1 Thor is cast down to earth to learn some valuable lessons that will help him if he becomes king....well apparently he figures this out in around 24hours. Either he is downright Stephen Hawking smart, or he stumbled upon dumb luck. You be the judge.

#2 He starts knocking back boilermakers with his love interest's father....and apparently never gets drunk or buzzed. He winds up carrying the father home. Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, doesn't take advantage of sleeping with Natalie Portman when she was totally asking for it. Wasn't computing for me. You have a guy that gets whats he wants when he wants and now all of a sudden the dude has manners that makes the disney channel look like hard.

#3 When Thor is cast down to earth he loses his hammer, but it happens to land in the same exact location on earth where he lands. After S.H.I.E.L.D. comes in to investigate the hammer they quarantine the whole area, but leave the center open to the sky. Wouldn't the open configuration negate the need for quarantine? I think so. The only purpose the open portion of the rig served was to introduce Hawkeye as a character in a rainy over-emotional sequence when Thor tries to pull the hammer out of the ground. All in all Hawkeye is some weak sauce and no one gives a crap about him. In fact I had to look him up just make sure he was an actual avenger. Hawkeye is like if robin had a long lost cousin who's girlfriend knew a guy that worked at Auntie Ann's pretzels with some dude that did archery....that's Hawkeye.

Anyway, besides those things I thought it was awesome. Full of action, some funny lines, and some legit stand up in your seat badass moments. Out of most marvel movies to have come out in the past several years this ranks very high among those.

However, I will say that this movie prompted the Get Thor'd lifestyle so be careful what happens with this. If you don't know what I'm saying then let me explain.

So, do you remember when you saw Fast and the Furious in the theater? And when the movie was over, everyone and their grandma was burnin rubber out of the parking lot? It's kinda like that.

I saw Thor wreck dudes, eat a box of pop tarts, drink himself stupid, and play tons of video games. Ok maybe he didnt game, but he would have if he had the xbox on hand. So, what did we do after the movie.....all those things! Keep it real and go get Thor'd.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Music, to destroy or get destroyed

So you walk into the gym ready to crush some bodyweight turkish getups and whats this? Glee? High School Musical? Wilson Phillips? All of a sudden the Suck-o-meter hits overload and you are left gasping for air on the floor. Worst part is you haven't even warmed up. Don't let this happen to you. With my definitive guide to surviving gym music you too can overcome this all too common workout killer.

Option1- Bring your own tunes and headphones

Sounds simple enough but it's not. You walk around with some headphones and now you have become that guy/girl. The anti-social person who thinks they are the shizz even though you are just trying to get into the zone. If you bring your own tunes, be prepared to crush all. It's the only way that you'll maintain any status in the gym that doesn't make you look like a douche. Also, be prepared to have your headphone cords get in your way every time you move. To practice at home simply take down your blinds, place them around your body and try to do anything at all.

Option2-Turn up the volume

If it's too loud you are too old. Even if you have to slowly die by listening to Miley Cyrus it better be so loud that you can't hear your last breath.

Option3-Come prepared

You anticipate that playing inside is in fact the dark lord's concerto number 5, also known as the Rent Soundtrack. Stay in your car.
Begin playing your power song(s) at max volume.
Perform seat reclines tabata and pullups through the sunroof. If you don't have a sunroof work on your grip by doing and undoing the parking break repeatedly. Stay in the car until you see a countdown on the clock. After which you will sprint out of the car and immediately start. You'll be so fired up that not even Kim Kardashians new hit single can keep you down.

Option4-Go faster

In it's most simple terms. The faster you go, the quicker it's over with.

The Wall

I'm Bane. Plain and simple. Whenever I need to dig deep and I need that mental boost, Bane is who I become.

People use different mechanisms to help them through physical/mental challenges. Whatever you use, well, you use something. If you are reading this than most likely you are not a person who gives up easy. It's fitting for me to picture myself as Bane in the gym because lets face it, the dude is juiced out of his mind. He crushed Batman and he has one sole purpose, to be strong as hell. More importantly it gives me a visual, a cue to that I can use. There are plenty of times in a workout or lift when your mind starts to wonder down the I can't road and it's hard to get out of it. By the time you think you can move a little faster, that bastard mind of yours comes back and crowbars your kneecaps. Motivational speakers and elite athletes will say, "just repeat that you can do it, to yourself over and over." This may work for some but I'll tell you, when I get to the wall, I'm not saying positive stuff to myself. It's just not me. I'm a visual person and you maybe too. So, for that very reason I become Bane. No different than Beyonce is Sasha Fierce, for all you single ladies. I stick to that image and I try and change my mind to think that if I was Bane, I would be crushing it right now like I did Batman. I get that fury in my eyes and the venom starts pumping through my veins. I just grab and go. Pain is Perception. Other visual cues that work could be Seal Team 6, Thor, Sonya Blade, Condoleezza Rice...etc. If you got one, share it.